It’s A Mad, Mad World

Have you ever uttered any of the following phrases? “That guy is a psycho.” “That was a pretty crazy thing to do.” “Only a nutcase would do a thing like that?” Chances are you have. These days it is almost commonplace to make references to other people with terms formerly associated strictly with the mentally challenged. I believe that this is happening for the following two reasons: 1. Because of the increased socially acceptability of slang in the average American’s vocabulary; and 2. Because of the increase of actual instances of mental illness in our society. If you think that mentally challenged people are only those folks that you can spot a mile away then I’ve got news for you. Today there is a new breed of mentally ill people. They look just like you and me and they’re everywhere. You might even be one of them. I have compiled an easy method of identifying them. This is a true story…partially.

Are You Out Of Your Mind? Honestly answer the questions on this checklist to find out.

Do you need three cups of coffee every morning just to get your heart started?
Have you ever sent text messages during weddings, funerals or church service?
Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket; doing 62 in a 35 racing home to see the latest episode of American Idol?
Have you been reprimanded for smoking in the restroom at your job – more than once?
Can you quote the final scores to every major sports event for the past two weeks but have no clue who the mayor of your city is?
Do you check your e-mail, MySpace or Facebook every night before going to bed but forget to check on your children?
Have you single-handedly consumed enough Pepsi or Mountain Dew in 2009 to cause those companies’s stock to rise?
Do you own more shoes than a Nike Warehouse?
Do you own enough books to open up a new branch of the public library?
Do you eat at McDonald’s enough to qualify for frequent flier miles?
Are you completely committed to dieting and you run 15 miles everyday and you’re 25 pounds underweight?
Have you memorized the Bible so much that you can out-quote everybody in church and you’ve recently quit your job so that you can stay home and study it even more?
Is everything in your house painted orange and black, including the Bengal Tiger in your backyard?
Do you shower your lover or spouse with expensive gifts while ignoring the stack of over-due bills and disconnection notices on your kitchen table?
Do you have 18 cats living comfortably in your home, meanwhile you’re sleeping on the couch?
Have you been to the movies nine times already this year and are yet to visit a single family member?
Do you drive twenty-five minutes to your job then discover that you left your cell phone at home and turn around to go back and get it?
Have you ever left the funeral of a close friend dry-eyed yet cried a river after your team lost the big game?
Does the ‘Breakfast of Champions’ consist of a pack of cigarettes and a six pack of beer in your house?
Have you ever held on to a relationship even though your ex broke up with you six months ago and has gotten a new boyfriend?
Have you ever let one of your kids drive your brand new car and after you heard that they had a wreck, your first question was “how’s my car”?
Do you have a wife, a mistress, two girlfriends, three adult magazine subscriptions and you still frequent the local bars trying to make a love connection?
Have you ever said “I don’t have a gambling problem, I can stop whenever I want to, I bet you fifty bucks that I can go a week without gambling”?
Do you overeat because your team won, overeat because your team lost and overeat because your team didn’t play?
Have you attended all nine of your child’s little league games and been kicked out of seven of them for threatening or fighting the umpires or other parents?
Can you find things to clean in your house that CSI Miami couldn’t find?
Are you so loyal to a certain political party that if they nominated Adolph Hitler you’d gladly vote for him…twice?
Do you earn a nice six figure income, yet still haven’t had time to make it to any of your child’s school plays or parent teacher conferences because you’re too busy trying to ‘keep food on the table’?

I apologize if I have offended anyone especially the mentally challenged. My point is that many so-called normal folks suffer from some challenge or another. From mild obsessive-compulsive disorder and various addictions to an inability to get our priorities in order, we are all only human. Not one of us is worthy to cast stones. Let us embrace our more challenged brothers and sisters; it might not be as crazy an idea as you think.